Broken
by Dreamseeker1
Summary: After-hours brings out the deepest thoughts in us all. Heero and Relena have been through the worst, but what about the peaceful times? How have they changed? Are their places reversed? Songfic to “Broken” by Seether w/ Amy Lee. Please Read and Review.


**Broken by Dreamseeker1**

Disclaimers: Um…. I don't own Gundam Wing or Seether….. Or Amy Lee. They outlawed slavery awhile ago.

**Summary:** After hours brings out thoughts in us all. Heero and Relena have been through the worst, but what about the peaceful times? Are their places reversed? Songfic to "Broken" by Seether w/ Amy Lee. Please R&R.

**A/n:** Well, I always have a songfic to work on…. This one was just the clearest lately. It's a little angsty at times, with a lightly falling fluff, and Heero's changed a little, but time changes us all. *CoughOOCcough* Please R&R…. Flames welcome!

**Broken **

"Damn it Noin; I don't really care anymore."

"Heero, I believe that's the first time you've ever refused a mission."

He looked at her, a weariness in his twenty-five year-old eyes that aged him decades. He touched his forehead and closed his eyes. "Don't you ever get tired of it?" he whispered, hanging his head.

Noin hopped up on the kitchen counter and swung her legs as she looked at the bright white ceiling. "Sometimes," she said carefully. "But every time I look at the faces of the living people we've saved, or those who've had a chance at a better life, I find that it's all worth it."

Heero pounded his fist on the counter. "Just once - once - can't I worry about me? Can't I put myself first?"

Noin looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "If you could Heero…. Would you? Honestly now."

He looked at her evenly. "Ten years ago I would have said 'Yes' without hesitation. But I don't know what I'm thinking anymore. As much as I hate to say it, everything was easier then." They flicked the light off of the kitchen and walked down a hallway in the Preventors post.

Noin smirked, still surprised they were having an actual conversation. "Except Relena, of course."

Heero glared at her.

"How'd your date go, anyway?"

Another glare was her only answer.

She laughed and stretched. "Well, I'm heading in - I guess I'll have to work alone in the morning."

"I guess you will."

"You sure you don't want to join me?" She gave one last plea as she opened the door to her room.

He nodded glumly.

"Good night then." She walked down the hall, into her room, and shut the door.

Heero walked the few hallways to his own door in silence. With a sigh he sat in his chair by the simple wooden desk and rested his head in his hand. Noin's question rang in his head.

"How'd your date go, anyway?"

A fraction of a smile lit his face. Relena. He'd never understand her, never try to. Just being with her… The quiet was his element, and Relena didn't need words. He felt content just being with her.

Ah, he thought. Therein lies the problem.

He _felt_.

Even ten years later, many of these emotions were new and hard to grasp. And the hardest ones had to do with that infuriating girl. Such a simple child at times, and at other times…

What, a woman?

Even in his own head it sounded funny. But all the same… She had even more responsibilities than Heero did. Every person alive knew Relena Darlian, and she worked even harder to keep the peace than did Heero. That last date… She had been the quiet one, the tired one –

The one weary of fighting.

While it didn't surprise Heero (whom it still took a lot to surprise), he was a little nervous about it. Nervous enough to make a foolish joke about the two trading places.

And she laughed. Heero's heart leapt at the thought. She had a beautiful laugh.

Heero took out her picture from his desk. He smoothed its crinkled corners with his rough hands as gently as he could. Relena, smiling, on the seashore. He got a bottomless feeling in his stomach as he held the photograph in his hands. He couldn't place the feeling, but it felt familiar - it constantly plagued him these days. A nervous butterfly in his stomach twittered as Noin's question swept through his head again.

Was that it then? Nervousness?

No, it couldn't be. This was too familiar, from before even the Preventors and Relena existed to him. As familiar as a friend…

Or lack thereof.

Ah. Loneliness, that was it. His constant companion as a youth, the one thing genetics and training couldn't fix.

He was lonely here.

How could he be lonely? He had Noin, Sally, the other pilots at times, and newer trainees. But somehow, without Relena, he was alone. He wanted to hear her voice, to touch her hair, see her smile, but she was too far off. Half a solar system away, it seemed. Something she had said roamed through his brain. What was it? Oh yes.

"Don't worry, Heero. Wherever you are, I'm there too. Because I want is to be with you, I will follow you everywhere. I'm always with you."

That was it. But she was wrong this time. She was too far away now, they were too far apart. And right now, she was probably working too hard to realize he was out there, thinking about her.

His hands started shaking. He missed Relena so badly it hurt. He was lost without her.

****

_I wanted you to know_

_I love the way you laugh_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away_

_I keep your photograph_

_I know it serves me well_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

'_Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome_

_And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

_You've gone away… you don't feel me here, anymore…._

****

"Miss Relena, do you think that the compromise is going to work?"

She looked over from where she stared at the city, alive with the nightlife Neo-Tokyo was still famous for. "Of course it's going to work. It's what they both need."

"And you're sure?" Her aid gave her a critical look, dubious.

Relena dismissed it with a wave of her hand. "It's a simple solution. Be grateful, Noline. When I was younger than you I was dealing with the largest war in history. I was queen for a time then, trying to stop the battles. Things aren't half as hard now. Everyone is striving for a better world this time. They refuse to let the war happen again."

Noline bowed her head, letting the red curls tumble across her face. "Forgive me, Lady. I did not realize things were that awful. I was only eight at the time, and none of my family were soldiers."

Relena breathed a deep sigh. "You are blessed then, my dear. Pray that you are always so blessed in hard times like that."

Noline cocked an eyebrow. "But Miss Relena, no one wants to fight anymore, you just said. There won't be any more wars."

Relena smiled grimly. "Noline, the world cannot advance without warfare. Peace never lasts. Human nature demands that it cannot." She sank into her chair. "I know that now. I wish I didn't, but I do."

Noline came over. "You must be tired, Lady. I will call the delegates and tell them that Vice Foreign Minister Darlian is at rest."

Relena shook her head. "I can't rest. Even when I'm resting I'm working." Her voice trailed off, until it wasn't her aid she was speaking to. "It's so hard, you have no idea. I don't really know what I'm doing out there. All I can do is delegate war. Right now, no one cares to fight, and I have to learn to _keep_ the peace instead of creating the peace."

"But it's better than before, Lady," Noline pointed out.

Relena looked out the window again. "I don't know anymore. At least during the war I knew my purpose. They used to call me 'The Angel of the Battlefield', did you know that? Now I fear what they may call me if I have nothing left to do."

"Then you need not worry - you've plenty left to do."

"But I don't feel human. I'm always so tired, so alone. I'm not made of stone, Noline. I'm cracking under all this weight. I am twenty-five years old and already it seems my life is over. I have nothing left."

"That can't be true, my Lady. What about that picture on your desk? That Heero?"

Relena rested her head against the chair and watched the snow fall. "Please, Noline, go away. Leave me in peace."

Noline nodded her head. "As you will, Lady." She left the room.

"Heero," Relena whispered. "Where are you tonight? I wish I was with you… anywhere but here. I hurt, love. This is too hard; I can't do this alone. I need you here with me; I need you at my side. I was never the angel, Heero. You were my angel."

****

_The worst is over now _

_And we can breathe again_

_I wanna hold you high and steal my pain away_

_There's so much left to learn_

_And no one left to fight_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

_Cuz' I'm broken when I'm open_

_And I don't feel like I am strong enough_

_Cuz I'm broken when I'm lonesome_

_And I don't feel right when you're gone away._

****

A million miles away, Heero saw nothing, heard nothing but her. Her strong, confident voice saying his name. Her dark blue eyes piercing to his core. Tonight, she wouldn't leave his head.

****

_Cuz' I'm broken when I'm open_

_And I don't feel like I am strong enough_

_Cuz' I'm broken when I'm lonesome_

_And I don't feel right when you're gone away._

****

He paced back and forth in his small room. Like clockwork. Running his hand through his hair and gnawing his lip. Sitting on the bed, moving to the desk, sitting in the chair; reverse and repeat. Now that he knew what was wrong, he couldn't leave it be. He needed her so badly, he'd do anything to be with her.

His eyes swept the room out of habit and landed on a phone. He jumped for it.

****

She heard the phone ring and was tempted not to pick it up. But she found herself reaching for it and flipped it open. "Hello?"

"Relena."

She sat straight up. "Heero…"

"Are you busy?"

She stared out the window. "Not at the moment. You?"

"I called, didn't I?"

She blushed. "Yeah… Right."

"Relena… I need…"

"I need to tell you something, Heero."

"I miss you."

They said it at the same time, and Relena breathed a sigh of relief. "Heero, I wish you were here. I need you so badly right now."

"I know how you feel."

****

_Cuz' I'm broken when I'm lonesome_

_And I don't feel right when you're gone…_

****

He laid down on his bed, clutching the phone in his hand.

Her voice was quiet on the other end. "You do?"

"I do."

"Heero…"

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm tired, Heero. I want to sleep forever."

"No you don't. You've never been a sleeper. Too much to do."

"I want to give up."

"You've never given up before."

"Neither have you."

He sat up. "Fine. Neither of us gives up. Deal?"

"Alright then. That means more work for you."

"Good. Less time for thought."

He felt her smile on the other end. "Right." He heard movement on the other end of the line.

"Problems?"

"It's my aide… I have people to meet."

"Then I'll let you go."

"No," she said. "Don't ever let me go. I'm not that that far away, am I?"

'_That depends_,' he thought sadly, '_on what you want_.' He sighed quietly so she wouldn't hear him. "I guess not."

"I need to go now, Heero. You know I have work to do. I'll call you when I have time, but presently…"

'_You always need to go_.' He nodded to no one in particular. "Goodbye, Relena."

There came a click from the other end. He laid back on his bed again, staring at the ceiling. He held on to the phone still, feeling more numb than he had earlier. Now he hurt more.

"Relena," he whispered. "I love you."

But she was too far away to hear him.

Minutes dragged by. He looked at the phone again and dialed another number, sighing wearily..

"Hello?" A tired female voice picked up.

"Hey Noin… tell me more about this mission of yours."

****

_You've gone away… you don't feel me here, anymore…._

****

FIN

Review?


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